random ramblings on prayer

who or what is currently on your prayer list?

truth be told, I don't pray much. I usually have to be feeling uber desperate or hopeless/helpless to send a real prayer out. and it's usually an absolute begging for relief or resolution. I was thinking about this with yesterday's prompt - how I was brought up in a faith (catholicism) with very specific prayers that are mostly asking for salvation/relief from sins/forgiveness, etc. when I came to krishna-consciouness, I was also given a prayer, but it's... I don't know... different. mantra meditation is just... different. I know a lot of people liken the chanting of mantras on beads to saying the rosary... but it's just... different. and while I know and understand the meaning of the hare krishna mantra (translated as "oh energy of the lord, please engage me in your service"), it's hard to meditate on the meaning of something when you're saying it in a language that is not your own. maybe hard isn't the right way to say it... it's just more difficult to focus on it, I guess. or at least for me. though I also appreciate the beauty and power of the sanskrit.

I have to be honest - I'm just rambling a bit here and I'm not really sure where I'm going.

I guess when I think about prayer, I think about what I wrote in the poem yesterday - I associate prayer with asking for something - and usually something unnecessary, or selfish, or whatever. like when I really, really, REALLY pray, it's usually something like, "krishna, please, please, plllleeeeeaaaase get me the heck out of this." with "this" being a relative thing to whatever the current situation is.

but I think because I know what I should be praying for (to be engaged in krishna's service), I don't do it very often 1. because I know my karma/destiny is relatively fixed and praying for it to change won't actually change it and 2. is being engaged in service what I really want? I mean, I want it because I know I should want it but I'm super selfish and self-centered, so, like, is that what I actually want?

anyway. I guess to answer the prompt I could just refer back to that list of things that would make my life perfect right now. but if I have to narrow it down to just one thing to pray for it would have to be peace and balance. unfortunately peace and balance aren't cheap... they come at the price of a lot of things coming together in a certain way... and, well, it doesn't seem like that's my karma. shrug.

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