freewrite: filling in the spaces

trying to "do nothing" is weird.

I don't do well with free time.

I keep trying to fill the spaces with things, thoughts, feelings - all spinning in the hamster wheel of my brain.

I start making plans for the future to fill in future time/space void.

I tell myself to stop doing that. tell myself I need to do nothing. tell myself to stop trying to fill the empty static space.

I clear off my dvr. I read. I write. everything still feels empty.

sink holes are scary. they open up in the middle of anywhere they want, swallow everything on it, around it. things, people, things, people, fall into it. never come back. it's never full. always hungry for more. the hole just gets bigger.

what would happen in a sink hole kept opening horizontally... all the way through to the other side of the earth?

acceptance sometimes feels like defeat.

I don't like losing.

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