tonight I told my children I love them. and I meant it.

I tell my little ladies that I love them every day and every night. it's a habit at this point. I always mean it, but I don't always think about how I mean it. but tonight when I said it, I meant it.

I don't usually get super emotional over crappy, horrible, or tragic stuff in the news. sure, I was shocked and appalled at every mass-shooting that has happened over the years, but something about the shooting today in connecticut has just pierced my being. it didn't at first. when I saw the big red headline on the msn site this morning I didn't even click on it. then people at work started talking about it - so I read the article. I was shocked, appalled, and saddened, of course. I listened to a local station on the way home and heard stories about people picking up their kids and crying while waiting for them at the bus stop and how we should all hug our kids extra tight and all that. I still wasn't so phased though. it was still just sad.

tonight was my oldest daughter's holiday play at school. at first it was just another boring and torturous catholic school play. but then all these little kids were everywhere, singing and looking so innocent and cute. and then my daughter's class came out. and I saw her up on the stage and I just lost it. she was up there singing her little vaisnavi heart out about walking like Jesus or something or other, and I was in the back sobbing. I finally got myself together and then lost it again at the finale when all the kids were on the stage at once. those kids.

I can't imagine what the parents of those 18 (or whatever the tragic number is) dead children are going through. I don't want to imagine it.

all I can say is I got to tell my children I loved them tonight. and I was able to be in that moment and say it and mean it. and I am so grateful for it.

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