everyday just write

I am often discouraged with my writing. I get lazy. my ego gets bruised. I get bored. I spend way more time thinking about writing than actually doing the writing. it's a habit I desperately want to change. I try to make plans and vows, but I'm really bad with plans and vows so it never really works out the way I want. there's an old time ISKCON guru who had a series of books called Everyday Just Write. I'm not sure what the story is behind the title - but I always imagined it to be something like Srila Prabhupada instructed him to, well, everyday just write. if you remember (you probably don't...), one of the original titles of this blog was named after that concept. last weekend I had the opportunity to meet face-to-face with a friend I've pretty much only known through facebook and we had a nice chat about writing. one of the things she said to me was how writing is such a process and how really, you just have to write everyday. every day, just write. everyday just write. why is that so hard?
the only answers I can come up with are the ones I've already said. I'm lazy. too much thinking. when I don't get praise or response, my ego hurts. really, there is no excuse. I should just do it.
I've tried a few times to write every day in a daily planner/calendar. but it usually turns out the way joining the gym does - I do it once or twice, and then never do it again. and end up with a blank calendar/journal.
but I figured I'd give it another shot. so I recently went to my favorite place on earth (yes, you guessed it), Target and purchased a 2011-2012 day planner. it's the kind that has a full month view first and then room to write on each day throughout the week. so I got it at the beginning of July and have maybe written in it three times. sigh. but I'm not going to give up. I'm going to keep trying.

the sticker is my own embellishment - from *pardon my hindi.
after a one year and four month maternity leave, I am back to work. we're on a summer school schedule right now, but within a few weeks it'll be back to the same old grind. but the same old grind also means a fixed schedule. I'm looking forward to that and I think it will help me become more regulated in my writing.

honestly, I was considering not keeping this blog - just shutting it down. most of the time I feel like I'm just talking to myself. I was trying to make it more of a "poetry/writing" blog - because it seems like the most successful blogs are focused on something - you know, crafting, or recipes/cooking, vintage, or just a million pictures of the blogger wearing the same outfit. but then I realized that the whole reason I started this blog to begin with was to just write. even if it's only for myself. so yes, I will write poetry here. I will write about writing here. but chances are, I'll mostly just write nonsensicle crap about my hair, or something I want to buy... or if I'm feeling particularly philosophical, I might write about Krishna. who knows what I'll write about. but it's about doing it. and being in the moment - that is my biggest struggle of all.

so hang in there with me... all 3.5 of you who actually read this thing. we can be in the moment together.


Devadeva Mirel said...

nice new header!

kmala said...

not so new... maybe you're just seeing it now? did you change browsers? like for me, I don't see the proper font when I'm using camino, but it seems to work with safari or IE.