I really am avoiding you.

you know how I usually make some excuse about why I haven't been writing? and then I usually say it isn't personal, I'm not avoiding you? well, ok, it's still not personal, but I am avoiding you this time.

I've written a few blog entries in my head (remember I said I talk to you all of the time in my head?) and all of them have been so insanely depressing that I haven't been able to get myself to actually physically write them. trust me, I have had plenty of time to do so, which is how I know I'm just plain avoiding you.

I'm doing a lot of internal self-work these days. I've been reading two books, both of which I came across during my Oprah watching (yes, I do that regularly...I almost feel like apologizing, but come on, there are worse things I could be doing with my time (as well as better)). I'm working my way through Eckhart Tolle's A New Earth and Kathy Freston's Quantum Wellness. Both are very psuedo-spiritual, but super mode of goodness. I'm relating a lot to the ideas Tolle presents about the ego, and removing oneself from it - relating so well that it's really souring my life. it's a good thing, really - because I need it, but it's still super uncomfortable. it's making me realize how attached I am to stupid, stupid things - things, like clothes, and things like what you think about me. anyway, that's a whole other thing. I don't really want to get into it now because, honestly, Kathy Griffin's My Life on the D-List is about to come on and I want to watch it. Ok - see, usually I would have just said "Oh, because I'm tired" so you wouldn't think I'm such a loser that I'm going to stop writing to go watch tv - but, heck, that's what I'm going to do. and why am I so attached to what you may or may not (probably don't!) think?!?! oh, that evil little ego!

so, as you can see, I've got a lot going on in my busy little mind. but I'm trying to save you from the depressing, self loating crap. because really, that's all it is - crap.

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