my husband told me last night that I'm not detached enough. he didn't say this in a critical or fanatical-devotee way, but in a "hey, this is really what's going on with you" sort of way. it's true. here's how it goes - I've told you about how I've been really disappointed with the way life has been going. I really feel like no matter how hard I try, things never go either the way I want them to or the way I imagine would be best. so problem number one - I try to be the controller. then, when things don't work out, I get super disappointed - like uber-depressed and hateful - like greek-tragedy style cursing the fates. that leads me to negative thinking in future endeavors. for example (and this is how my husbands comment came to pass...) I applied for a job at this super-upper class private school. I was trying to get all of my stuff together - cover letter, resume, letters of rec - and I needed one of my references to update something, and then I wanted to print everything on really nice paper, blahblah, but time was ticking and by the time I got everything together it would have been tomorrow, so I thought, you know what, screw it, I'm just going to fax everything in as it is and just let Krishna take care of it. if it's going to happen, it's going to happen regardless of how I send it in. I made the endeavor to apply, and my stuff was good and presentable, so que cera. I explained all of this to my husband, and then I went on to say how I'm being detached - in the end it doesn't matter because I most likely won't even get an interview for the job, so who really cares? and that is when he laid it on me - no, this is not being detached, this is being negative. click - the lightbulb turns on. I need to stop being so negative and just be detached.
sounds so easy, right?
I let this idea sit with me for a little while. then we went out for a walk with our crazy little dog and I asked the inevitable question..."Ok, so how do I do it? How do I actually become detached?" my husband went into some explanation - but really, I don't know if I will be satisfied by any answer other than one that includes a very simple and systematic process (like, ok, to become detached from the results you need to go to the store and buy a "become detached" kit, follow the directions, and voila!). unfortunately it's not so easy. so I'm not sure what to do with it, or how to take it, but for now, just knowing the problem may be half the battle.