on attachment

my husband told me last night that I'm not detached enough. he didn't say this in a critical or fanatical-devotee way, but in a "hey, this is really what's going on with you" sort of way. it's true. here's how it goes - I've told you about how I've been really disappointed with the way life has been going. I really feel like no matter how hard I try, things never go either the way I want them to or the way I imagine would be best. so problem number one - I try to be the controller. then, when things don't work out, I get super disappointed - like uber-depressed and hateful - like greek-tragedy style cursing the fates. that leads me to negative thinking in future endeavors. for example (and this is how my husbands comment came to pass...) I applied for a job at this super-upper class private school. I was trying to get all of my stuff together - cover letter, resume, letters of rec - and I needed one of my references to update something, and then I wanted to print everything on really nice paper, blahblah, but time was ticking and by the time I got everything together it would have been tomorrow, so I thought, you know what, screw it, I'm just going to fax everything in as it is and just let Krishna take care of it. if it's going to happen, it's going to happen regardless of how I send it in. I made the endeavor to apply, and my stuff was good and presentable, so que cera. I explained all of this to my husband, and then I went on to say how I'm being detached - in the end it doesn't matter because I most likely won't even get an interview for the job, so who really cares? and that is when he laid it on me - no, this is not being detached, this is being negative. click - the lightbulb turns on. I need to stop being so negative and just be detached.
sounds so easy, right?
I let this idea sit with me for a little while. then we went out for a walk with our crazy little dog and I asked the inevitable question..."Ok, so how do I do it? How do I actually become detached?" my husband went into some explanation - but really, I don't know if I will be satisfied by any answer other than one that includes a very simple and systematic process (like, ok, to become detached from the results you need to go to the store and buy a "become detached" kit, follow the directions, and voila!). unfortunately it's not so easy. so I'm not sure what to do with it, or how to take it, but for now, just knowing the problem may be half the battle.


The Eternal Day said...

You can't even remember what my answer was, because you weren't even listening to me! *sob sob*

My answer went something like this: detachment comes from realizing the temporary nature of our life. When you really realize that this life is a momentary existence, a passing moment, then you can step back and see the bigger picture. Everything falls into perspective. The shoes you really wanted, but that were sold out no longer become all that important. There's a detachment that comes along from realizing your position as an energy beyond the body (i.e. - consciousness or the soul). It's like watching everything happen around you as a TV show and nothing you're watching defines who you are at the core of your being. (Of course realizing the temporary nature of fabricated worlds leads into the whole fear of death thing, but that's something you really need to face and embrace if you want to truly become detached).

Also, there's that whole thing in KC philosophy about how the opposite extreme of attachment to something is aversion to something. In other words, you can try and be renounced or detached from something, but if you're always meditating on how much you hate it and how much you're trying to avoid it, then you're still attached to it, just in a negative sense. Real detachment means to be indifferent to it and not in a negative sense, but in a way that you just genuinely aren't concerned with it or the outcome.

Is this type of detachment easy or natural in our conditioned state? Of course not. We have so many attachments in this material world: attachment to material comfort, attachment to sense gratification, attachment to people, places and things, etc. All we know in our conditioned state is this world around us that we perceive with our mind and senses. Anything beyond that seems so mysterious, un-real and un-attainable. That's why I'm always into the whole quantum physics thing, because we can start to become more sensitive and conscious of our selves as energy and the world around us being nothing more than a "sea of frequencies". There is no solid world around us. It's all energy. But we buy into the illusion and identify with it and become attached...and of course become miserable in the process.

Anyway, I'm starting to ramble now. Bottom line: you CAN become detached from the world and your experiences if you so choose. Part of the problem is that we don't want to let go. It's kind of like AA or NA. An addict has to first admit they have a problem. Then the solutions can begin. But until we really WANT Krishna and WANT to surrender to Him, we'll never be able to leave the comfort of our material surroundings and familiar, material experiences.

kmala said...

well, the main part I left out of this story was how I realized that even though logically I know all of these things, I'm not in a space where I am ready to hear about them - apparently. remember we had a whole conversation, and I said I felt like I couldn't even ask my guru maharaj about this because I felt like no matter what he said, I probably wouldn't feel satisfied with the answer? yea, I just feel like I agree with everything you've said (even if you said it twice!) but something doesn't click for me. I get sad when the shoes aren't there. or obsessive. I can't help how attached I am. and part of me doesn't want to be detached...remember our talk about my fear of death? yea, that's a whole other issue, but one that is closely related.

it's also kind of weird to be writing this to you when you're like six feet away, watching basketball. loser!

Devadeva Mirel said...

isn't watching everythging happen around you as if it were a tv show...a sympton of schizophrenia?

Devadeva Mirel said...

"You can't even remember what my answer was, because you weren't even listening to me! *sob sob*"

spoken like a true woman! jayadeva, you are a very balanced soul.