3.22.2008

this might make you uncomfortable or just plain offend you.

ok, now I have to admit, I've just been neglecting you. don't get mad. it's not personal. but really, I've been avoiding doing pretty much everything except the things I need to do to survive, like eating (oh plenty of that) and sleeping (never enough of that). I have sooooo much work to do it's disgusting. I've been on spring break from my grad studies and my part-time college teaching gig, but not from my regular work. it's felt good to be able to just come home and do nothing. I've been going to the gym - which I think has been giving me headaches (that's a whole other story). anyway, as you might have noticed in my last entry, I do have quite a bit of work to do for school. just because it's spring break doesn't mean I'm off the hook. I did decide to go with "attachment styles of second generation non-indian born hare krishnas". I think it will be interesting and a relatively simple data collection. but for some reason I'm SUPER avoiding doing any actual writing. I keep telling myself that on Monday (a day off of everything) I am going to spend however many hours necessary in the library writing my chapter one. oh, but then there are all the papers I have to grade for my occ classes - oh, and I have to prepare for my tuesday class.... we're moving into poetry. I probably need to vaccum or dust or give the dog a bath too. let's see how many more things I can come up with to do other than what I am supposed to do.
ok, I admit it, I am a notorious procrastinator. it's kind of the best way I work - i.e. leaving it until the last possible second and then producing my best work. a lot of people are like that. right?

on another note, krishna is changing things up once again. I was set on going to the Philadelphia temple from now on...but then madhavi got moved into a more advanced bharat natyam class, which just happens to meet on Sunday's from 4-5. the program in Philly starts at 5, so it would be impossible to make it there. so as it goes, against my desires, we will most likely be going to the edison temple now. it's not that the edison temple is bad, it's just not my mood. it's not really inspiring to me... but maybe I need to look at it differently. after all... it shouldn't be about me, right?

gaura purnima yesterday was nice. I got to spend it with my guru, which is always a plus. he did a program at the radha-damodar temple/yoga studio in manhattan. there weren't that many people there, which was nice too. when I got there there were just three or four people there and my one god brother who was supposed to be doing kirtan had to run out for something so my guru maharaj asked me to lead... now I've been neglecting everything pretty much (remember?) so I haven't been practicing my harmonium lately... but I did practice this one tune the past day or two, so I wasn't completely horrible. just kind of rusty. anyway, I digress - the program was nice. maharaj gave some nice gaura-katha and we had a nice feast. I have to say, I'm mad that I didn't bring my camera to take pictures of the deities there - They are sooooooooo beautiful! I absolutely love the mood of the whole place, but Their altar especially makes me think of vrindavan. it's hard to describe - but you should go there and see Them. really.

today on my ride home from another program, I was thinking about this blog. I was thinking about how I purposely named it every day just write with the intention of doing just that. I can't tell you how many years I have made the resolution to write something - anything - every day, just for the practice and sake of doing it. I've never kept that one. but I should. though I really shouldn't tell myself what I should do - they say that in counseling all the time - but really, I should do it. I need to do it. but there are so many things I need that I neglect. I do the exact opposite, in fact - I do all of the things that make my life uncomfortable in pursuance of that which will make me comfortable. when will I learn?

on that note, here comes the thing that might make you uncomfortable or just plain offend you...this is kind of my disclaimer - but really, this is funny as all heck, and so applicable to my existance right now... so I'm sorry if it makes you feel icky.

4 comments:

Radharadhya dasa said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
kiriti dasi said...

whoops sorry for the deleted comment i was logged in under my husbands account. anyway, what i wanted to say was thanks for the laugh. i am a constant procrastinator. not good for trying to get back to Godhead.

Devadeva dasi said...

thanks for a little drop of info on the gp program!

kmala...draw the line at self love and JUST DO IT!!!!

wink wink

Priya said...

I want to read your thesis. Sounds interesting.