2.08.2008

raw

my nose is pretty miserable right now, as is my brain. I hate to be such a debby-downer, but I think all of the stress is finally catching up to me. I have so much stuff to do and absolutely no time to do it (I guess I could be doing some now...) and it's giving me so much anxiety, and I woke up this morning not feeling so great. as the day has progressed my runny nose and aching head/body has gotten worse. friday's are my most hectic days too... I work all day, and then after my regular job I have to teach two classes for the college. I would have just stayed home, but I cancelled my friday classes next week for the ingrid michaelson show in the city. so I'm here, half dead, but here nonetheless.

it's funny how powerful the energy of the dham is. it's so powerful that you undergo lots of purification before you even get there and after you leave the effects of the spiritual energy stay with you for so long. but maya is also so powerful. she is so powerful that she can wave her wand (ok, I know, she doesn't really have a wand per-say) and cover that enlivening energy. I feel just as out of the loop now as I did six months ago. my vrindavan afterglow is gone, and I'm really mourning it. I miss vraj. I miss the vraj feeling. I wish every day could be a vrindavan day.

a vrindavan memory...
we walk into radha-damodar and are so excited that there is darshan. we all pay obeisances. maharaj looks at me and tells me to start singing damodarastakam. I think it's a good thing that I sang it every day during kartik, or else I would probably sound really foolish. then I start singing. then I think how lucky I am to be singing damodarastakam for Lord Damodar Himself. we get darshan on Krishna's foot print in the Govardhana sila... it's time for parikram. along the way we stop, maharaj talks. the day is unseasonably warm, but comfortable. this is a perfect day. this is what I want every day.

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