dear body

dear body,

I hate you. it's true and it needs to be said. but most people will think this is because of some body image problem or lack of self-worth issues. but no. let's be real here: you are just a bag of suffering. my neck hurts. my hamstrings hurt. the inside of right knee hurts. the bottom of my left foot hurts. I just ate some crappy food and my stomach feels gross. I have hemorrhoids (yea, tmi, I know)... need I say more about that? my cuticles are peeling. my leg hair won't stop growing. my cervix could be growing a giant tumor at this very moment that will kill you! so much suffering in one tiny, tiny package. and all for what? to be here in this crap-tastical material world to enjoy?! enjoy what? where? yoohoo, enjoyment!! where are you?! marco! hurlo!?


I guess it's a good thing that I am not you, dear body. but with all of the time we spend together, you could have fooled me. I try to take care of you the best I can, but you often betray me with all of these aches and pains. give a girl a break every once and a while, eh?

I'm trying not to be mad at you, because, after all, you're just a body. but still. stop being such a hater. chill out a little.




compassion is a general principal in yoga. it is especially emphasized as a quality of a vaisnava/devotee of krishna. among the twenty-six qualities of a devotee, compassion is named by itself, but can also be noted in other qualities - such as the first: "he is kind to everyone". I found myself thinking about this just a bit ago when one of my neighbors popped into my head. and I was thinking all kinds of judgmental thoughts about her and then I was like, "why is it so hard for me to be compassionate towards certain people?!" I don't have an answer to that question. but I thought maybe I would make myself a list of people that I find it most difficult to be compassionate towards in an effort to somehow cultivate this quality within myself.

* the mother of the girl who bullied madhavi for two years, who is also now my neighbor.

* the girl who bullied madhavi for two years.

* my upstairs neighbors who have severe mental illnesses.

* a co-worker who is so socially inept that she doesn't have the capacity to understand the world outside of her own box.

* a co-worker who, for seemingly no reason that I've been able to figure out, purposefully "threw me under the bus" (as they say) many years ago.

* a former friend who was a manipulator, and who also blamed me for things I didn't do or say.

* a former friend who is a self-sabotager.

* myself.

I have to say, just making this list has shifted me a bit. because I was trying hard to describe these people without using their names, but also without saying judgmental things...I don't know that I was totally successful in that, but this little exercise has given me a lot to think about. I wouldn't say I've magically become compassionate towards these people, but at least I'm thinking about the fact that I'm not. and that's something better than nothing.


schnerpin merpin

you see, my friends, the problem about blogging more often is that I don't always have something interesting to say. so what do I do then? I mean, I have a few back-up post ideas that I've had in the back of my mind for a while, but most of them would require a good amount of thought and effort... and today is so rainy and lazy that the last thing I want to do is, like, think and stuff.

mondays have been hard for me every since I started my 500 hour yoga teacher training program. I'm there most of the day on sunday and then I work all day on monday and then I have to go back to my ytt in the evening and I don't get out until 9pm. yea, it stinks. I mean, yea, it's temporary and all... it's only until april... but still, in the moment it sucks - especially when all I want to do is roll up into a ball on my couch and hibernate. first world problem, I know.

today has just been mostly quiet. my residents are reading Shooter by Walter Dean Myers. it's an ok book... they like it and don't complain when we have to read, which is always a bonus. they're also watching Bully at the same time to keep them interested (bullying is one of the themes in the book). I also spent some time catching up on reading and other homework for my yoga teacher training. then I went to target and roamed around a little bit, mostly aimlessly, but then I ended up getting madhavi some new school socks/tights. after lunch I read some of The Red Tent, which was followed by a good, hardy belly laugh with some co-workers over this cat-picture article. I mean, honestly, who doesn't think kitlers are hilarious?!

alrighty people. I think I've bored you enough with my uber boring day. but I'm keeping the momentum going. and that's all that counts, right?


this week

this week I...

- realized that if I only worked one job and didn't constantly over-commit myself, I could actually cook dinner for my family more regularly.

- received an irritating email from a student who was dissatisfied with his final grade. this wouldn't have been so bad except he blamed me for the grade. and I quote, "you ruined my 3.94 GPA." yea, pretty sure I didn't do that.

- was reminded how very much I do not want any more children.

- stressed over a strange full-body rash that madhavi broke out with over the weekend. we were convinced it was fifths disease, even though her doctor said it wasn't. well, her doctor wasn't sure exactly what it was... but anyway, she literally cleared up "over-night" monday into tuesday. she's still a little hoarse from having a chest/sinus thing going on. but she's thankfully much, much better.

- was quite productive. I cleaned out my folders from last semester, did lots of shredding, caught up on all my blog-reading from over winter break, started The Red Tent, worked out my syllabi for spring semester, wrote a letter of recommendation, and cleaned my classroom fishtank/dusted around my classroom. honestly, with as much free time that I have at my regular full-time job, I could have easily done double this. but why?

- shopped a bit online. purchases included: bulk asafoetida, contour memory foam pillow, bully, and some aveda face stuff. I also received this book, which I ordered last week. I think it will be my next read once I'm done with The Red Tent. oh, and I'm still waiting to get this super awesome shirt in the mail, which I ordered after the new year when the company offered 20% off. I'd been eyeing it for a while, so I figured whatever, #yolo.

that's all I've got peeps! I hope you had a fantabulous week and stayed warm wherever you are in the world!


smallish big

I don't have much to say, but I need to write something so here it is.

oh, but first - I added a new tab up above... "stats" - it's a replacement of the "non-faqs" tab. that one got old and boring, so I decided to make it something new. enjoy, or something.

I heard this quote the other day and I thought it was so amazing that this will be my sharing for today. it's such a small and simple saying, but so profound and beautiful.

"You cannot prevent the birds of sorrow from flying over your head, but you can prevent them from building nests in your hair." -Chinese Proverb


and here's a little bonus...one of my residents was super cranky this morning and rather than get beotchy back to her, I decided to try to lighten her up a bit. so I looked up corny jokes, and this was by far the biggest hit:

-Why does Snoop Dog use an umbrella?

-For the drizzle! (but you have to say it, "fo' da drizzzzzle!"

you're welcome!